pic source: http://gapingvoid.com/2007/11/04/compassion/
Like many, I grew up in an atmosphere of much discipline, and that is reflected in the choices I make day in and day out. I am thankful for that inculcation and happy with the choices I am making for myself. At the same time, I am swept over with the feeling of understanding for the choices others make, and I realize that I am not angry even if it does not fit my moral compass or even the moral compass of the society at large. I suppose this is called compassion - acceptance of fellow human beings without judgement.
Growing up, we are taught to discriminate right from wrong. This naturally leads to classifying people as "good" or "bad" people. Some classifications are societal, that the human society has adopted to maintain law and order and avoid chaos. For example, most of us would agree that a person who kills another person is a bad person, a person who steals is a bad person etc. Other classifications are based on our upbringing and specific circumstances we encounter. The atmosphere I grew up in classified people who consumed alcohol as bad people. That is clearly not the definition in most other societies. It was a learning experience for me when I encountered a society that thinks otherwise, and I was able to separate habits from character and realize that not all those who drank were bad people.
The former case - the societal classification is the harder one to reconcile with. How can one possibly see a person who is violent or otherwise harmful to society in a lenient light? Can you for example think of Hitler or Osama Bin Laden without feeling a surge of anger for their atrocious acts? Can you think kind thoughts for people like Bernie Madoff who's malpractices and selfishness ruined many lives? I use these examples because extreme cases help us validate our thoughts. They stress test our mind and unmask our underlying belief system that we would otherwise not see in many less extreme cases we encounter regularly.
So again, the question is can we think kindly of people who are in violation of societal norms, or in violation of our own personal moral and ethical standards. Thinking kindly does not mean we agree with them, or compromise our own standards - not at all. What it does mean is having a fundamental feeling of understanding and not rejecting them outright even if their actions deserve outright rejection per our societal or individual standards.
A way to do it may be to "walk in their shoes", as a popular proverb says. I have done so mentally when encountered with a difficult situation - a scenario analysis of possible ways one could react - pushing the boundaries and thinking of possible extreme reactions. When I look at a person and observe their actions, I have started to look deeper and try to understand what is causing them to act a certain way. I may not agree with their actions, yet I can get a glimpse of what may be underlying the action. While this may not materially change anything, it allows me to shift my focus from the action itself to the person, and feel a sense of connection or bonding without needing to agree with the action. Like another great proverb eloquently says "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle".
Developing such understanding does not come very easily. In fact, it may be a life long process, and may often be a recurring internal debate. Most of us feel such compassion easily for those that are weaker or less fortunate than ourselves. However, compassion does not flow easily when judgement of actions comes into the picture - the judgement that is based on the framework that society and we ourselves have built up over time. If we can feel this sense of understanding for fellow human beings, we will be able to embrace humanity - a global hug if you will - and move forward with a sense of connectedness towards advancement of humanity as a whole.
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